WrestleMania is a very special time of year for professional wrestling fans, but what about those who haven’t been drawn to the crazy circus that is professional wrestling?
What would they think about one of the greatest nights of the year?
So I thought it would be a good idea to see what a non-wrestling fan would think while watching through WrestleMania X-7 – widely thought of as the best iteration of the annual spectacle also known as the “Showcase of the Immortals”. My girlfriend, Yessica, has seen very little pro wrestling in her life, except for a couple of Royal Rumbles. Her knowledge of superstars goes about as deep as The Rock and John Cena, so it’s fair to say that if she were questioned on many matches on this card, she wouldn’t have any idea as to whom most people are.
With each match, Yessica will be
giving comments, as well as a rating after the match has concluded. At the end
of the show, she will give her overall thoughts and feelings upon whether she
would consider watching another spectacle like this ever again.
Chris Jericho vs. William Regal
She laughs at the opening when seeing the sign “I like chicken”.
“Why do wrestlers have long hair and wear sequins all the time. It’s weird! It’s meant to be a really manly sport, but he’s wearing silver sequins and has no hair on his chest.”
“I feel like I’m high watching this. He peed in a teapot. I’m not sure what’s going on.”
“He’s wearing purple silky briefs. I DON’T GET IT. Why is that good uniform?”
“Is he actually punching him? He’s not punching him.”
“See that would hurt anyone” – on Jericho diving out of the ring onto Regal
“Sorry, his name is Regal? Of course Americans think that of the British. So stereotypical”
“Isn’t that against the law” On removing the turnbuckle
“This is bad for your back, spine and brain” On superplex by Regal
“Ooooh I heard that” On chops to the chest
She gives this match a 3/10. I wasn’t gripped, I didn’t want
one to win over the other. Stereotype of teapot, Regal etc put me off of the
match. I wasn’t connected with anybody.
APA & Tazz vs. Right to Censor
“I didn’t understand any of that” On JBL’s speech
“It’s like Boyzone got beefed up” On Right To Censor
Multiple chants of “Woop woop, it’s the sound of the police” from Yessica
“Do they usually have men vs. women? She’s in heels! WHY IS SHE IN HEELS?” On Jacqueline
“Oh he’s small.” On Tazz
“Why isn’t his team in there helping him?! He’s the little one, his team should help.”
“I mean, they must have seen that coming. It was so obvious.” – On JBL’s clothesline
She gives this match a 4/10. She felt like the little guy (Tazz) got beaten up too much. RTC all look the same.
Raven vs. Kane vs. Big Show – Hardcore Championship
“Why does he have a shopping trolley?”
“What did the previous segment with the women have anything to do with this?”
“Why does everybody have s*** noodle hair?”
“Why have they gone into the crowd?”
“I mean, today that’s probably against health and safety. Somebody in the crowd would get hurt and sue them”
“What’s going on?! Why aren’t they in the ring?”
“Is this real?! He went through the window!”
“To be fair though, it’s not a real wall they went through. It’s an American wall.”
“Does he need a golf cart to get to the other guys?”
“Is that blood?! He’s actually bleeding. S***”
“They’re messing up the coffee facilities!”
“Who’d leave a salad just out on a table?!”
“Did he land on anybody? No he didn’t.” – on Kane’s legdrop from the stage
7.5/10. It was more entertaining than the last two. There was a lot more going on. I was on Kane’s side the whole time actually, but I’m not sure why.
Eddie Guerrero w/ Perry Saturn vs. Test – European Championship
“What is that hat? It’s like a fuzzy lampshade.”
“I like Eddie’s entrance music. It sings to me.” Says the Colombian.
“Automatically, I’m on Eddie’s side.”
“He’s got big nipples, doesn’t he?” On Test.
“It’s not fair, though. This big old blonde guy is bigger than him! Look at his tiny little feet.”
“That’s embarrassing. Did you just see him fail at that?” On Guerrero’s attempted hurracanrana.
“Can he go and beat the big guy up while he’s down? Cos he should do that”
“Hahaha the monkey got up the tree” When Eddie climbed Test for a sleeper hold
“Ooooh I like that move!” – on Test’s tilt-a-whirl powerbomb.
“Was that real?!” On the big boot from Test.
“Eyyyyyyy Guerrero won.” Dancing and singing his theme ensues.
8/10. No bias here.
Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit
“He’s got nice eyes.” On Kurt Angle. If only she could see
him today.
“Genuinely, do all wrestlers wax their chests?”
“See this is what I feel like real wrestling is”
“This makes me feel like it’s an actual sport. It’s a bit like jiu jitsu, isn’t it?”
“Did he throw him into the stairs? That would hurt. That’s pointy.”
“I actually prefer the Olympian. He seems like he actually knows how to wrestle. He’s not just all show and no pants.”
“I don’t know why they’re booing him, though.”
“They must be really tired by the end of this”
“I thought Kurt would win. Didn’t really like Benoit.” (I haven’t told her the real story, either.)
6/10. I felt like it was more of a sport, so it actually
made me more serious when watching it. I guess in terms of entertainment, it
wasn’t as entertaining, but I had more respect for it.
Ivory vs. Chyna – Women’s Championship
More singing of “sounds of the police” from Yessica to RTC’s theme tune. My god.
“She’s doing the Baywatch run so her boobs jiggle, isn’t she?” On Chyna’s entrance
“Oh my god, she’s so clearly not hitting Chyna. It’s the back of her open hands.”
“He just referred to Ivory as a yapping little dog. So sexist! So they’re calling her a bitch. Ugh”
“That was smooth” On the finish of the match
4/10. Chyna is really good, but the match angered me. She’s really strong.
Shane McMahon vs. Vince McMahon
“This storyline is twisted. His wife is in a wheelchair and he’s making out with the other girl. What the f***!”
“These people aren’t actually related are they? THEY ARE!? WHAT? He’s real life making out with that woman in front of his real life wife?”
“I don’t like this storyline.”
“Is that a plastic tube?” – on a kendo stick
“God, this family is crazy, isn’t it?”
“Why is the blonde woman angry? She’s the mistress!”
“What is Vince doing? He’s so twisted.” When Vince starts manhandling Linda into the ring
“Did they just say it was unfair? That’s not unfair, he hit the referee with a chair!”
“Oh look, she’s fully alive now”
“I feel like they crossed a line with this storyline, but I’m not exactly sure which line.”
0/10. Hated this storyline. Felt it was twisted, gross and
predictable. Just nah. Nah.
Hardy Boyz vs. Edge & Christian vs. The Dudley Boyz
“Ayyy that ladder went straight into his face!”
“I feel like this is very chaotic and I can’t keep focus on what’s going on”
“Why is he getting naked?! It’s not like he’s overheating, he’s wearing f****** mesh!”
“Oh, I understand the premise of this now. The belts are dangling. I had no idea until now” – 10 minutes in.
“What the hell is going on?! Who are all these extra people? Why is he (Rhyno) so oily?!”
“Excuse me! Visible thong? Fuck that.”
“It’s not even fun to watch now. It’s really uncomfortable” After Edge’s spear and the fall through the tables from the ladder.
“Well thank god that is over.”
2/10. Uncomfortable to watch. It actually made me feel sad.
Gimmick Battle Royal
“Is… Is that racist?” On the Iron Sheik
“Oh f*** that, I don’t like him.” On Doink the Clown
“Ummmm, this looks racist as well” On Kamala
“I mean, this is racist as well. They have a lot of racism in here” On Volkoff
“HE’S GOT THE RACIST FLAG ON!” On Michael Hayes
“A chicken….” On the Gobbledy Gooker
“Chicken’s s***.”
“Literally the only black guy is not wearing shoes. Just saying”
“That clown needs to go!” She did not like Doink The Clown.
“Iran won! There you go, that’s alright!”
4/10. Quite racist, but also there were just so many people
in the ring that you couldn’t actually see exactly what was going on.
Undertaker vs. Triple H
“He’s very muscular. Has he taken steroids? Is there any way you can tell if people do steroids?” On Triple H
“He’s got a motorbike! Speedy Gonzales!”
“Do you think they have long hair so that when they get hit, they can shake their head and it’s more visible to the crowd?”
“The referee is getting battered!”
“Is the referee still in the same position? He’s just pretending though, isn’t he?”
“I must say, Triple H’s skin is a very nice colour. It looks very healthy.”
“They’re having a bitch slap contest”
“They’re in the 69 position! Arching his back and everything” After the tombstone
“Ooooh, I don’t like that.” On the Last Ride
“Oh my god! He’s really bleeding!!”
7/10. I like The Undertaker. I like when they go into the
crowds, and fight in different areas, holds my attention for a lot longer.
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock
“Why do people prefer Stone Cold to The Rock?”
“Come on, The Rock needs to do something, he’s getting battered.”
“I’m waiting for The Rock to start moving, but when he does, you know he’s gonna win.” I’m afraid I have some bad news…
“Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?” Her allegiance is very subtle.
“I don’t like seeing The Rock bleed”
“Punch him in the dick, Rock!”
“Can you imagine how sweaty they are after this?”
“Why is he (Vince) coming here? Nobody likes him!”
“He didn’t do anything to him.” On the People’s Elbow
“McMahon is a little bitch”
“That’s right, run bitch, run, run, run.”
“This isn’t fair though, because the little prick got involved.”
“Why is the douchebag looking like he doesn’t know what’s going on?”
“Ohhhhh” Sad noises upon Austin winning
9/10. Use of blood gave a good shock factor, but I felt bad that they had to cut their heads. It was very back and forth, I didn’t expect anybody to beat The Rock!
OVERALL SCORE: 6/10
“There were a lot of stereotypes in play on this show, which took away some of the fun and the drama and totally overshadowed being able to enjoy the backflips and throwing and all that stuff. I don’t like the fact that the one woman who ran in during the TLC match had all of her underwear on show – having a woman sexualised in that manner is a bit repulsive. Had an issue with the racism during the battle royal as well – Kamala, Iron Sheik and Michael Hayes all irked me.
The worst part of the show was the whole Vince McMahon storyline. I don’t really know how to describe my feelings on this as they’re so strong, but it’s just sick and twisted, and I’m not sure why people enjoy seeing that. If it was actually happening, then that would be classed as a form of psychological torture. I fully have an issue with that. The fact that she stood up suddenly at the end was 1. predictable, and 2. making light of disability, as I’m sure a lot of people in wheelchairs would love to be able to do that. I’m glad it’s evolved so that it’s not as twisted and controversial.
I liked the drama when the wrestlers went into the audience, as it made everything feel very spontaneous. The hardcore triple threat was also fun – it made everything feel more realistic. Interaction with the audience added something I wasn’t expecting.
It’s a very long show, and you have to have stamina to stay at the same energy level throughout, but people clearly love it, so it’s not going to go away any time soon.
I’d say from the brief bits of wrestling that I’ve seen from 2019, I think I probably like it more now as it seems more like a mix of sports, gymnastics and almost dance choreography. People care more about their safety as well today, so it seems more like an art form than just rough and offensive than it was in 2001.”
So there we go – a non-wrestling fan rates WrestleMania X-Seven a 6/10. Largely regarded as the best WrestleMania gets a decidedly average score here.
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