We all know that WrestleMania is the biggest night on the professional wrestling calendar and we all hope that every year will be a winner (even those people on the internet who constantly tell us how horrible this year’s even will be). But sometimes, it just doesn’t come off. So here are five terrible WrestleMania matches, that you probably shouldn’t check out on the WWE Network…unless you’re really a glutton for punishment!
Just to note, I’ve ignored “boxing” matches, Diva’s matches that were packed with poor workers and generally matches that were always going to be awful (hello Giant Gonzales vs The Undertaker) . This is not meant to be a definitive list of the worst of ‘Mania, just five matches that I particularly hated, for one reason or another.
“Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs Bad News Brown – WrestleMania VI
Ok so this was never going to be a technical masterpiece, but it did feature two men who were over and could have put on something approaching a chaotic brawl that might have livened things up by 1990’s standards. But to be fair, they could have had the brawl to end all brawls and it still wouldn’t have compensated for what went down here. And yes, I’m talking about Piper’s “paint job”. Now he may well have been trying to make a point about racial harmony, about how we could all just get along. But to paint half your body black to do so was beyond belief even in those less “politically correct” times. It’s just one of those wrestling moments that all you can do is shake your head at and hope that no non-wrestling fans walk in the room when you’re watching it. Even Roddy, with his tale of not being able to wash it off and having to travel on the plane home like that, realised how stupid the whole thing was in later years.
Lex Luger/Bret Hart vs Yokozuna – WrestleMania X
I was going to put the infamous WrestleMania IX ending on the list, but regardless of how history sees it now, Hulk Hogan’s title win there did pop the crowd at the time and in a roundabout way, signalled the start of the New Generation in WWE as Vince belatedly realised the Red and Yellow was passé. One year later, although the mistakes with Bret Hart would be rectified, the mistakes with Lex Luger were just magnified. I’m not suggesting that Luger should have left WrestleMania with the World Title, but he should have left this match with the belt.
I have no idea if the rumours were true that Luger was supposed to win this match but inadvertently let a New York reporter in on that little secret so it was decided to change that. (Although Lex himself told TWM that wasn’t the case). But asking the barely mobile Yokozuna to work two matches on this night was a bad choice. It meant that Bret Hart’s moment of glory was lessened by a poor match. Would Luger vs Bret have been a five-star classic? Probably not, but it would have been a match with more inherent drama, a match far less easy to predict in terms of a winner, and have made more sense after their shared win of the 1994 Rumble. It’s not as if winning the title for two hours would have derailed Luger; Vince had already made up his mind on Lex. It would have made a much less pedestrian ending, though.
Brock Lesnar vs Goldberg – WrestleMania XX
If ever there was a perfect example of “smart fans” running Wrestling, this was it. With the notorious New York crowd turning on both men, not even special guest referee Stone Cold Steve Austin could save this one. Even a decade earlier most of us wouldn’t have known this was Lesnar’s last night as he wanted to try his hand at the NFL or that Goldberg had declined to extend his working relationship with the company. With management upset at both men, the match was booked to be a pedestrian affair (which was, ahem, stunningly counter-productive, but hey…) and neither man had the motivation to toss aside their orders and put on the intense match they could have had.
A true case of virtually everyone conspiring to make a mess of a match when a little bit of common sense could have at least meant a respectable match that fans would have enjoyed. But that kind of thinking will never catch on will it?
Vince McMahon vs Bret Hart – WrestleMania XXVI
Now it might be unfair to single out a non-worker and a retired veteran who hadn’t wrestled a match in a decade or so due to an injury-imposed retirement. But whilst no-one was expecting this to be the second coming of Flair-Steamboat, few would have expected the calamity that this turned out being. It should have been quite simple really; after the Montreal Screwjob and the genuine real-life hatred these two had played out the simple fact of Bret finally getting his on-screen revenge in a short, sweet, match should have been enough. In and out within a few minutes, with Bret getting one last ovation from his fans and Vince getting his belated comeuppance, would have been ideal.
Instead there almost seemed a misguided attempt to turn Vince babyface, by getting such a sustained beating over ten minutes that fans would feel sympathy towards him. It didn’t work. As seemingly every relation of Bret joined in the “fun” it was one of those wrestling occasions when ten minutes felt like ten hours.
Ryback vs Mark Henry – WrestleMania 29
I know it’s a cool thing to dislike Ryback. Even more so since the voice of the voiceless CM Punk showed his own disdain for him (and Ryback now hits Punk moves in matches) . But put aside personal feelings though and take a look at the lay of the land. Ryback was over, had a lot of fans who wanted to see him defeat CM Punk for the Title in the previous year and was facing a man who had received many opportunities over the years but had never really excelled and had no hope of being any bigger of a “superstar” than he already was. So of course, what you do is job the “fresher” guy in favour of the veteran who had no upside whatsoever.
Even worse, post match you give the fans the move they wanted to see, Ryback getting Henry up into the Shell-Shock, but you make him look like a childish and petty guy by having him sneak attack it post-match. Not exactly Babyface of the Month material is it? The end result is a poor match that benefited no-one, when a short intense brawl with Ryback going over with his finishing move could have at least given one guy a boost.
What matches from WrestleMania do you think should have been better? Let me know in the comments!
