From the outside looking in, the world of wrestling is as wacky as it gets. A number of people exchanging strikes in little-to-no clothing, being put through tables, hit with chairs; it is definitely a unique industry. However, to us wrestling fans that is just the norm, that is the world we have come to know and love. But there is a section of wrestling that us fans can acknowledge definitely has its weird moments and that is the merchandise. Merchandising is a huge part of being a wrestler and being a wrestling fan. It makes you feel connected to your favourite wrestlers and can be a common ground for bonding with other fans. The issue is sometimes wrestling merchandise can be extremely baffling and random and that here is what I shall be taking a look into.
1. Ponytailed Caps
No, your eyes do not deceive you. They are indeed wrestling caps with ponytails attached to them. First things first, I totally appreciate we all love a good hat. Hats are typical within the realm of merchandise, be it peoples logos or catchphrases, they make for easy merchandise. However, in this instance, I feel like some lines have been crossed. The first issue here is plastering a persons face on a hat. I don’t think anyone really wants to walk around their city centre with Brie Bella’s face on their head and maybe if they do, all power to them. Moreover, attaching a ponytail? It is just a bit unnecessary and looks out of place, in my opinion. No one asked for artificial hair to be attached to a hat, yet WWE still went and did it. I have a feeling that these might not have been WWE’s best sellers and I really can see why.
2. WWE Pizza Prints
Next up on the list is WWE themed pizzas. A pizza topped with wafer paper. More importantly, WWE themed wafer paper! If you have ever ate a pizza and thought “Man, this pizza could do with more Rey Mysterio” then fear no more. I am really not too sure what the thinking behind these were. I understand WWE is a profitable company and basically anything they do will make them money but this is just pointless. If anything this is a nuisance to the essence of the pizza. No one needs edible wafer paper on their pizza. Moreover, no one needs to eat a pizza with the likes of The Undertaker plastered onto it.
3. WWF Condoms
Probably the last thing you expected to see on this list is WWF condoms but yet here we are. In all fairness during the WWF times, things weren’t exactly PG-rated. They did things you wouldn’t see from nowadays WWE. So I can kind of see where these fit in during that era, it’s a raunchy yet edgy product which was a microcosm of what the WWF was about. Looking back on them now though, there were probably better avenues they could have gone down. Furthermore, having a Stone Cold fact file on them is a bit strange. I don’t think peoples first thoughts after consummating are “I wonder what Steve Austins billed weight is?”. A passible item during that era but a very strange piece of nostalgia to look back on.
4. WWF Porcelain Dolls
In one word this doll is: Petrifying. Firstly, this doll goes against pretty much the whole reason for a doll. A doll, stereotypically speaking, is meant to be a nice, innocent toy for a child to play with. Nothing about a Stone Cold Steve Austin doll is nice and innocent. Stone Colds character throughout the attitude era was essentially a massive anti-hero, going against the grain. These aren’t traits we should be placing upon porcelain dolls. This doll is literally the opposite of what anyone wants out of a doll. Also, trying to embody a grown man into a child-like doll is just scary. It is very scary. I would not want that looking at me during my sleep. It is key to mention I don’t believe WWF themselves directly sold these but they did endorse them.
5. Enzo Amore wigs
Now, to make this list go full circle, I shall end on another hair-based product. Arguably, Enzo Amore and Big Cass from the time they were called up to the main roster up until they split, were two of the more entertaining superstars to watch. They knew how to get an audience behind them, all credit to them. Enzo oozed charisma and swagger and he just understood how to work that mic into his favour. He stood out for other reasons too: his questionable haircut, his ring attire, his in-ring moments. There was a lot to digest when it came to Enzo Amore. Luckily for us, the viewers, WWE treated us to a piece of merchandise we had all been crying out for, an Enzo Amore wig. I had issues with the ponytail cap but this just takes the cake. Who in their right mind wants to walk into an arena filled with people wearing a headband with blonde hair attached to it? Who? No one is the answer. I am no fashion expert but I do believe this might definitely be an awful addition to any outfit.
That concludes Part 2 of Wrestling’s Weirdest Merchandise. Hopefully, we do not see any of these pieces come around again as, well frankly, no one needs any of these pieces in their life. A basic T-Shirt or maybe a nice plaque will suffice, for now, leave the Pizzas in storage.
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